Thinking the Journey

How human are we?

2007-01-03T15:57:00.000Z

So to someone who's rejecting fundamentalist faith, turning away from the dogma, sifting the relevance of Christianity what does Christmas mean?

Jesus became human, so we can become human. So why is Christmas so often such a dehumanising experience filled with want, greed, arguments, stress, unhealthy lifestyles? Does going to church and being bored to tears or simply becoming to angry and frustrated for words really enhance our humanity or spirituality? Is this really how to celebrate Jesus birth? I celebrated this year by being with my family and those close to me, and being in the hills. I celebrated all I knew of Jesus in nature and in my family, and I long to know Jesus more in me.

As we move on from celebrating Jesus becoming human, I hope that I am able to follow him more closely into more of my humanity.

Losing Faith?

2006-12-12T10:47:00.000Z

A lot of my posts in the last month seem to be about me losing my idealism. Losing the faith that the world can be perfect. Can armed conflict really become a thing of the past? Is anti social behaviour really only a minority of young people? Can we really be any kind of light in the generational darkness?

During my two week stint at a youth club in Everton I wrote the following:

Just had my first major culture shock in a while… I went into Vineyard and found myself surrounded by middle class people! That was strange after hanging out with the young people and workers at the club. Not quite sure what to do with my theology now. I’ve seen he gospel lived out over the last week… by people who, frankly, would tell you to ‘f*ck off’ if you suggested that Jesus may in any way be relevant to them… yet they are passionate (and it’s genuine passion, not professional crap) about inclusion, freedom,
peace, the hurting. I’m reminded of the people in the parable who when Jesus calls them to heaven say “but LORD I never knew you. When did we see you sick or in prison or hungry” and Jesus says that what was done for the least of the people on earth he counts as service done to him. Yeah- this is partly a gospel of works… but I wonder if it is. It could also be a gospel of faith. Not necessarily faith in Jesus but faith that there is a better way, a higher path than the violence and the fighting. Faith in the good nature of humanity (who are made in the image of God) that all that is good in humanity will eventually win through and there will be peace.

I could cope with losing my faith in traditional Christianity, because there was still the hope for humanity, there was still Jesus. But now I seem to be losing my faith in the resilliance of good human nature. I can't cope with losing this faith.

Is this just a part of the natural process of gowing out of being young and idealistic? I don't know, but I don't like it.

God, help me keep the faith.

The best way of skipping a lecture

2006-12-08T09:10:00.000Z

Is like this.

Perma Puppy

2006-12-04T10:46:00.000Z

I have got to get me one of these...

No, really! ;p

I wonder if they come ready trained?
I wonder if they do any other mamals?
Partner who will stay the same age anyone?
Baby who misses out on the two year old tantrums?

Generational Darkness

2006-12-01T13:16:00.000Z

I wake up
to the screaming of the neighbours baby
as they yell at it to shut up
and yell at each other to f*ck off.

I walk to work
to the shouting of mothers
at toddlers who walk too slowly
as they fall and are dragged to their feet.

And at work
I wonder why the young people
only know how to deal with their issues
by shouting, swearing, hitting, spitting.

What hope is there, realistically, of changing society for the better, when no-one engages with services, no-one learns to parent, no-one has communication skills, no-one can deal constructively with conflict? How can I set an example and and encourage young people's growth in these areas when for the rest of the week this is their example, their life, their role models?

Where does one start for f*ck sake?

Hoods, Yobs, and Access.

2006-11-30T19:59:00.000Z

Hat tip to Richard for this link.

At first glance the refusal to allow a group of young people into a public space (which particularly wants to '...embrace it's broard community...' and '...generate a spirit of participation...') seems out of order.

Before I'd have pointed out that it's not all young people who are like this, just the minority.

But just recently I've been sitting talking with the librarian and security guard in a locked library, trying to advocate for the young people in the area who are banned from the building... all the whilst the young people concerned are intimidating the security guard and pulling up bollards. Sadly I've come to the conclusion it's true, the young men I currently work with have a long long way to go. The trouble is, I'm working in an area where this is the norm, not the minority, and I feel like I'm losing the faith that there is a way forwards for young people, especially when they're outside demonstrating backing up the points of the people who I'm trying to convince that actually they're a good bunch of young people.

I want to believe in the young people, I want to know that they are indeed 'good lads really'... but just now I don't know how to. When we work with them they're fab, they seem to be making good progress, they're engaging, participating, being pro-active, developing skills, and then the next day the bus stops are all smashed again, and the security guards are challenging me to explain why they behave the way they do if 'they're good lads really'.

Too much to do, too little time to procrastinate in

2006-11-29T23:48:00.000Z

Therefore I'm not going to write any long deep and meaningful blog posts until this batch of essays and uni work is done.

Piet however, has managed to find time to write a blog post about procrastination.

And so, without further ado or procrastination, I'm off to bed to get a good nights sleep before a busy day tomorrow.

Cancer Cure is all in the Wrist

2006-11-21T10:27:00.000Z

To all you self righteous Christian men who see m*sturb*ting as a sin and spend hours and hours repenting over it and then not being able to stop yourself, and then repenting and praying, and having those painfully embarressing accountability conversations with your prayer partners....

It's good for you! Maybe your 'sinful' desires are all part of God's plan for a healthy prostate?

Have a nice day everyone.

Broadband is back.

2006-11-20T15:57:00.000Z

And now it's wireless! Yeah baby yeah! 10 days with none at all was obviously an idle threat- my old one went offline on Fri, and my livebox from orange arrived today- and took about 30 minutes to set up and is now flying!

yeah baby yeah-

Is youth work too task focussed?

2006-11-20T11:23:00.000Z

I have the privilege of working alongside a fantastic colleague in the project we're setting up. She's a volunteer and works her *rse off for the young people and the project, and has the confidence to challenge me when she thinks I'm off on one or doing things the wrong way or my practice could be better.

The other day she pointed out how focussed on objectives I was. Always wanting to sit down at the start of the evening and work out what we wanted to achieve that evening, and then evaluate at the end, often focussed on the outcomes of Every Child Matters and Plymouth's youth work curriculum. She suggested that I was focussing too much on these, to the detriment of building relationships with the young people. When I started in youth work this was my main objective- a relationship of trust where I can get alongside the young person in whatever they need me alongside them in, but since I've trained professionally, I think I agree I have become very outcome focussed.

So is youth work that is as outcome focussed as we are encouraged to make it today doing so at a detriment to the supportive relationships we can build with young people? Have we become too outcome focussed? Are we trying to take young people on a journey of our own agendas (or Every Child Matters' agendas) too quickly these days? What would happen if we went back to making our main objective 'building positive and supportive relationships with young people'?

No Broadband

2006-11-20T11:20:00.000Z

For 10 whole days as I'm changing providers.

Did everything really always used to be as slow as this? It can't have been it would have driven me nuts!

To what shall I compare the Kingdom of God?

2006-11-16T12:32:00.000Z

Recent conversations with a fellow youth worker have reminded me of the time I realised how huge and covert my agenda in youth work was.

We had just started a project which was looking like it was going to be a huge success. We were working on a council estate with young people between the ages of 8 and 20. We were supporting them in life issues, talking with them about relationships, housing, finance, their rights, and whenever we could we were turning the conversations to God, gently and lovingly explaining to the young people that they needed to be ‘saved’ and ‘become christians’. Our intentions were good, we wanted to save these young people from a certain ‘lost eternity’.

The shock of waking up one morning and realising that out strategy for ‘Building the Kingdom of God’ involved targeting a vulnerable group of society and telling them that we had all the answers to their lives issues, still lives with me. We were doing things with the best of motives, at the time I genuinely believed that the young people if they did not ‘become Christians’ and step over the line into the Kingdom of God were going to a real, literal and physical hell. But deep down, we were trying to build the kingdom of God by swelling the numbers in churches.

This was four years ago. My concept of the Kingdom of God has totally changed. Before we would try and encourage people to come into it, (albeit in meeting them where they were at first etc etc). We saw the growth of the Kingdom of God as young people learning to acknowledge Jesus as Lord, as young becoming christians and behaving like Christians. As my concept of the Kingdom of God has changed to seeing it as a kingdom of fairness, justice, wholeness, a kingdom of Shalom, the way I see it growing has changed. Rather than pulling people in, maybe we are called to expand the kingdom so that it covers more people.

So, to what shall I compare the Kingdom of God? As I see it, the kingdom of God is like a wave of the sea, gathering momentum, bursting it’s boundaries, soaking and gathering up those living on the parched dry land of injustice and oppression, catching them up in the Kingdom of God, the Kingdom of Shalom, swelling further, and spreading it’s boundaries further.

Spray Paint Artist

2006-11-15T00:16:00.000Z

This rocks! Enjoy the process as well as the finished result!

Remembering and reflecting

2006-11-13T10:52:00.000Z

This weekend of remembrance has somehow involved me more emotionally than previously. Was it watching the service on Saturday evening? Everything was certainly portrayed as very tragic yet glorious. Or was it sitting on the train on Sunday with a veteran returning from ceremonies in London? Or maybe it's to do with having friends in the forces who have friends or partners in active service overseas in some of the most dangerous parts of the world just now.

I don't want to lose my idealism. I don't want to stop standing on my convictions that armed conflict is NEVER the right way to solve problems but...

Few would argue that Hitler had to be stopped- could this have been done without force being used? Are our modern wars, although fought remotely really so very different? Do I need to concede that sometimes military force is necessary and the lesser of two evils? I hope not.

The Word of God...

2006-11-08T15:24:00.000Z

... or not?

I believe the Bible was written by man, inspired by God. I believe it to be the story of a nation and their interaction with the Divine, not a book of instructions and one hit answers for 21st Centuary Living. I believe it was written from the man's perspective, not from God's.

I'm not saying it's 'Just a story' I believe it's a very good very important story.

I'm not saying it's 'irrelevant' I believe it's very relevant.

But with all the room for human errors and human perspectives that this allows for, I'm not sure either that I can be convinced it's the 'Word of God'. And I'm not sure if it's ok to be not sure about this.

On the subject of Bible's, a lecturer commented that this was very amusing. How do you like your Bible's everyone?

Snowdonia, Chapter 2, Return to the Hills!

2006-11-03T10:49:00.000Z

The trip to snowdonia with the GOC was fantastic. Marvellous food, marvellous company, and great fun all round.

We took a group up Crib Goch, quite a challenge in the wind, fog and rain for those who'd never scrambled before, although members who'd done the ridge before commented that it can be less scary in the fog coz you can't see the drops!

The Snowdon Summit was somewhat dissapointing, having been left with building site surrounded by that wire fencing stuff you get at... er... building sites after the demolision of the cafe! It was amusing though watching lots of fed up tourists in their jeans (shorts in some cases), hoodies and trainers who had ascended the tourist routes discovering that there were no views, no cafe, lots of cold wind and rain, and no train back down!

Anyway, some of the lads seem to have found time and space to take some much better photo's than I ever manage in the hills, and they can be found here, here and here. I wish they'd managed to make me look less podgy and frumpy in all the wet and cold weather gear though. Does anyone know how to wear a buff as a balaclava without making yourself look like an old lady in a head scarf?

A sore knee, lack of fitness and no energy forced a rest day for me on Sunday while others did the North Ridge of Tryfan.

On Monday I did Cniefion Arete with two great lads I arranged to meet with through UKCimbing. As I was unfit and we needed to move fast they kindly carried all the kit on the walk in and walk out leaving me with nothing but lunch tourch water and water-proofs. I'll have to look into the this 'porterage' malachy a little more!

Tuesday saw another meeting up with a random stranger from UKClimbing (oh no, I'm becoming a climbing whore) to do a diff on Tryfan Fach (good consolidation for newly aquired leading skills) before the long drive back south for a lovely rest of the week and weekend with my lovely Girlfriend (mwah).

flippin eck, is that the date?

2006-11-03T10:33:00.000Z

Dear lurkers who are still bothering to check to see if by any slim chance I have updated my blog,

your patience is rewarded, although there is little deep and meaningful to say just now. Somehow in term time all my deep and meaningful space in my head is full of college work, and in holiday time I exchange the 'deep and meaningful' files for 'enjoy the weather and run to the hills' files.

Yours,

Nikki

PS, any chance you lot can start commenting sometimes? :)

Seeing with new eyes

2006-09-06T21:46:00.000+01:00

Seeing with New Eyes takes an honest, thoughtful and personal look at post christendom spirituality and I think some important things are likely to be said there. I have been thinking along similar lines to the quote below, but hadn't yet put it so eloquently, co-herently or succinctly.

I am slowly becoming clearer in what I believe
and I don't believe in the idea of original sin anymore. I believe in the innate
goodness that lies within all of us and I believe that this innate goodness is
the spirit of the divine that pulsates through the universe and through every
living thing.

Spot me I pray thee?

2006-09-04T19:15:00.000+01:00

It struck me before that a climber spotting for a partner could be mistaken for a pentecostal Christian praying for said partner.

Thanks Planet Fear for the pics to make my point and accompany your article on The Art of Spotting.

Thanks Dave for making sure that my ankles remained unbroken and my Arse unlanded on earlier today.

Sperm by post? Gay Parents?

2006-09-01T11:49:00.000+01:00

Friends, ministers, theologians, thinkers, humans, women, men, ethicists, scientists, psychologists, Others, I would love some thoughts on this- the more diverse in origin the better!

What does everyone think about this? The civil partnerships act is fab in beginning to give the same rights to gay couples as to straight couples. But should these 'rights' extend to having the ability to scientifically tamper in the reproductive process. As a lesbian woman do I have a 'right' to fertility treatment as I could not naturally have a baby, or should this be reserved to hetero couples for whom the process of male and female making a baby is natural?

Somehow for me the whole sperm by post thing seems to be messing with nature. Life is sacred and should be brought about under conditions of love, not scientifically and clinically begun. But we do not apply this argument to straight couples who have fertility treatment as the fella is firing blanks or otherwise impotent- we seem quite happy to begin life in a scientific and clinical way then.

And what about the bringing up of a child? Should this be done in single sex partnerships? Is it important for a child to have both male and female role models in a home? Or is it more important that they grow up in a secure loving environment? Are we adversly affecting child's development by bringing them up in a same gender relationship? What if there are lots of significant adults in their life outside of the partnership?

Lots of thoughts- answers or more thoughts anyone?

Greenbelt

2006-09-01T11:42:00.000+01:00

I've just returned from fab weekend at Greenbelt.

I feel spiritually refreshed and inspired thougth physically tired from lack of sleep as there was just too much fun to be had at night time.

Helping to facilitate the survivors programme was rewarding although tough.

Camping with Young LGB Christians was fantastic, and really affirming and accepting.

Some of the next few blog entries are likely to be the product of reflecting on various aspects of the festival, whether it is from random conversations over a beer or a coffee, seminars, worship or simply general thoughts thought in the festival atmosphere.

Detached youth work seems easier in the rain!

2006-08-15T22:06:00.000+01:00

I've not been out in the rain for a detached session before. Somehow the young people we met were more keen to chat than usual. Why?

Well, I can only speculate but:

Maybe the ones who don't have anywhere else when it's raining are the ones who really need a youth provision? Maybe the giggly bitchy girls I find it hard to work with go home when it's raining, and are hard to work with becuase they don't really 'need' youth work? I've often been criticised for having too much of a bias towards less advantaged young people- but maybe it's just becuase the (mostly lads) who are outside in the square whatever the weather are actually easier to work with? If it means good quality constructive conversations, I can cope with rain running down my neck because of course, I couldn't possibly condone the wearing of a hoodie with the hood up...

Am I a manager or a youth worker?

2006-08-11T10:17:00.000+01:00

Or can I be both?

Nothing too deep and meaningful going on in my head at the moment.

I'm celebrating passing my uni fieldwork, becoming a JNC Nationally Qualified worker by spending the summer launching a community youth project. In reality this means numbing my brain in getting together a constitution and a million different policies and statements. This was why I don't want to get into management. I do what I do as I like the face to face work with the young people.

It's made me think about the way we train workers though. I'm not trained in accounting, budgetting, or legalese (the language of constitutions). Should youth workers be leaving these to the experts and employing specific people to do them, freeing the youth worker up for face to face work? Or are these essential skills which anyone who's going to do more than sessional work should be equipped with and confident in the use of?

oh... and word of the week is 'hereinafter'. Haven't a clue what it means but it's in our constitution several times!

I fell off...

2006-08-03T12:45:00.000+01:00

Just above here! Will try it again tomorrow. The climb is Central Grove at Dewerstone- Hard Severe at 4b and a fantastic two pitch route (by all accounts)

Climbing

2006-07-31T21:34:00.000+01:00

Climbed a hard severe on Friday. Dead chuffed- I would have been chuffed if I'd done that at the end of the summer... now I got time to get further. Perhaps learn to lead?

God in the pain

2006-07-31T21:14:00.000+01:00

I've been reading Fat is a Spiritual Issue. I love the way Ind talks about using her compulsive eating to blanket herself from pain, and by blanketting herself from pain separates herself from God.

I love the way Ind describes the pain and yet the life and reality of knowing God, relating to her pain, and allowing her to touch us and speak from within us in our pain. This somehow feels in a similar vein to my own thinking on the Crucifixion and Self Harm.

Our Heavenly Mother was not distant from her creation. She was not aloof, observing events in a detached uninterested manner. She was shaking in every junkie that comes down, starving in every child that has no food, shivering in the homeless, weeping in the bereaved, singing at the party, laughing at the banana skin, and ecstatic in every baby concieved into life. She was present in every moment and in each person. She invited us to respond to her, to live with all that we are. She called us to shake, to starve, to shiver, to weep, to sing, to laugh, to be in ecstacy with her.
And so when I was a compulsive eater it was not just my pain that I was cutting off from, it was God-in-me too. In refusing to listen to my depest parts I was ignoring God. My compulsive obsession was the antithesis of prayer. It was saying 'Sshh sshh sshh' to the feelings inside rather than 'Ow ow ow' with the one who incites us to share them with her....
...I learned to chose the pain of prayer rather that the pain of an eating disorder. I learnt to choose the pain of feeling with God rather than the pain of cutting myself off from her- I tried to stay awake in Gethsemane rahter than fall asleep. I preferred truth to lies. I risked allowing God-in-me to be.

The Farnborough Air Show

2006-07-26T09:20:00.000+01:00

Last week we got the 'cheap seats' at Farnborough Air Show (ie Sandee's car in her friends work car park just outside the Airodrome).

I was torn between being impressed with displays of Airobatics, and concern for the environment as shed loads of smoke and carbon were pumped out and used just for the sake of, basically, showing off... and the fact that most of what was being shown off was our military muscle didn't help.

Call me an idealist, but it strikes me that if we cancelled international armed conflict and stopped having wars then our carbon emissions would radically drop- solving two of the worlds major problems with one throw. Mind you... how many people would be made redundant if we did that?

Cynical? Idealist? or just sad?

Uni- chuffed to bits!

2006-07-26T09:14:00.000+01:00

Not that I'm saying what I got, but I'm chuffed to bits with my grades this term!

Last year I set myself a wee challenge to achieve gradewise before I leave and I've managed it on a double module, so a very happy Nikki is blogging today and feeling much more confident than usual in her ability to write and reflect. :):)

Climbing

2006-07-26T08:55:00.000+01:00

I like the summer! Had a couple of 'afternoon scives' this week and last with my housemate. Plymouth may not be the centre of the universe, but I'm gonna enjoy the summer being half an hour from gorgeous coast path walks and lovelly beach swimming spots.

Yesterday evening I was kindly led up two routes at the Dewerstone for some climbing by a much more experienced climber from UK Climbing.

The routes were only Diff and V diff, but for me, it felt like the first time I'd actually achieved much on 'proper' routes- ie outdoor ones not at the wall! My first Multi-pitches as well even though I was only seconding. I knew I liked climbing but hadn't realised what a great buzz it would be being made safe in a belay halfway up a wall, well above the tree line, to belay the leader on the next pitch! Wicked location and topped out of the last pitch of our second route just as the sun was starting to set. No photo's coz I not good enough to safely carry my camera with me yet! So thanks guys for the evening, and for your patience in teaching a total novice basic things... such as tell the leader the ropes running out BEFORE there's none left.

I wouldn't say I was praying all night... but I knew God last night, in my physical body and the challenges, in the views and the exposure, in the company with snatched conversation while belaying and the longer conversations on the walk out. Feeling pumped but happy... just wish I could have taken Sandee!

And on the subject of climbing this video is ace!

St Budeaux Community Youth Project

2006-07-19T09:20:00.000+01:00

We launched it on Monday evening!

A good turn out of local councillors and the area manager for youth work. People signing up for the steering group and voluntary youth work, offers of training for volunteers, and lots of questions asked and comments taken!

This is new territory for many of those involved. How do we find the balance between being a church initiated project and a community run project? How much power do we give the community when some of the partners have a specific idea of what should and shouldn't be looked at and covered? How do we as churches over come the stigma that over Zealous Christian Groups have established for us with the statutory sector?

Knowing that it's God's project, and that he is within everyone who is involved, not just the Christians, I guess we sit back, work with everyone who comes along, and trust that the image of God in everyone will shine come through.

Ogwen Valley

2006-07-19T09:06:00.000+01:00

The trip to Snowdon was amazing in many ways, but frustrating in others due to lack of fitness- there was so much I wanted to achieve while there but not enough time/ fitness to do everything. We didn't make Crib Goch which was a big plan, but learned lots about the fab scrambling and challenging route finding to be found on Tryfan. Many days of fun still to be had in this area. Just need to focus on my fitness for the rest of the summer before returning in October.

There was of course, the very embarressing conversation with the Ogwen Valley Mountain Rescue Team (oops) the result of underestimating the area... They were fab though and do an amazing job. Gave us cups of tea and fatherly advice when we probably deserved a b*ll*cking! Who wants to come with me next time now that lesson's been learned?

Patriotism

2006-07-02T12:14:00.000+01:00

I'm sure I read in A level psychology about studies that show that you see situations in a different way depending on whose side you're on.

But surely.... when someone blatantly stamps on someone elses balls and then gets up and starts shoving and kicking that can't possibly be seen as anything but foul play? Oh well... the lads in the pub didn't think so and was at risk of a kicking myself if I pointed this out! Stupid Boy. Wonder if he'll have as much stick and unpopularity to work through as Becks did after his 98 retaliation?

In the meantime... this has got to be one of my favourite fan songs... just coz it's clever!

Running Busy

2006-06-28T09:07:00.000+01:00

This last couple of weeks has been some ride!

Last week was totally focussed on getting together my fieldwork submission, which if it is up to standard will render me 'safe to practice' and qualify me as a youth and community worker. Followed by my Brothers wedding, a wonderfully low key 'do it yourself' affair in Swansea.

This week I'm working on my Spirituality and Worship essay, it's feeling good at the moment and coming together but lots of work to be done. I'm enjoying one for the first time in a while though.

Next week I have a chance to breath, and seek God. The week after that I'm heading for Snowdon with a friend for four days in the mountains. I'm looking forward to there being plenty of air to breath on Crib Goch.

A dispersed or centred God

2006-06-21T08:54:00.000+01:00

I was talking with a tutor from college about general faith things, universalism, seeing God everywhere, theology.

I realise that I have a dispersed image of God. I see God in all that is around me, environment and people, and I meet God here and in myself. I see God as dispersed throughout the universe. I struggle at the moment to understand and grasp a centred God, one who is met in a specific time and place.

Is God a dispersed God, a centred God, or both?

The Methodist Church

2006-06-14T13:37:00.000+01:00

Having become more and more dissillusioned with organised churches, either of the traditional or the 'emergent' variety, I was somewhat suprised to find myself thinking positively about one!

The Methodist Church's website offers hope for the way this particular branch of organsised Christianity is developing. I like their aims to:

to increase awareness of God's presence and to celebrate God's love
to help people to grow and learn as Christians through mutual support and care
to be a good neighbour to people in need and to challenge injustice
to make more followers of Jesus Christ

Sadly I don't see much of this at congregational level amoungst the churches I work with yet but let's give it time. For now I like the Methodist Church's down to earthness and sense of mission in the community. I stumbled into working for them, but I'm beginning to think that it was a good move for me theologically aswell.

6 Year Olds

2006-06-06T09:50:00.000+01:00

The presence of the two 6 year old girls really wasn't helpful at the time. They'd dropped in to the church as they'd finished after school club and didn't want to go home.

We spent some time with them, then said they really needed to go home now, as it was late, and we were there for a detached youth work planning meeting and reconnaisance session. They didn't want to go home and took lots of persuasion. I got steadily more and more frustrated.

"I don't do six year olds! eight year olds I can just about handle but that's as young as it gets! We're trying to get a job done! We're running late! We have things to do! We're here for young people tonight not children!

Eventually they left. Only to be knocking on the door again ten minutes later. Grrrr we say. We try to ignore them. We go into another room so they can't see we're here. They're are so persistant, they're doing our heads in. We need to concentrate. We have risk assessements to write, id to sort, recording forms to develope, walk about to do. They continue to persist.

We go to the door.

"Nikki, you've left your car lights on they say"

I humbly walk out, turn off my car lights and learn something from the six year old girls. It later transpires that one of them has nowhere to go having been locked out of the house at 8.30 on a cold wet night. I realise that maybe I am interested in the six year olds after all.

Electricity Supply Calculator

2006-05-26T09:53:00.000+01:00

BBC News has a hands on science museum type interactive thing where you can experiment with changing the way electricity is produced to look at environmental and cost impact. Go play!

Links List

2006-05-26T09:15:00.000+01:00

I met up with Charity for breakfast at supper time on Wednesday. She kicked my butt and said that having been blogging for just over a year I really should sort out my links list! A cup of coffee made by my wonderful housemate and an extended breakfast later and It's getting there.

It's amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it... and amazing what you can put your mind to when you have other pressing things that you really should be doing instead.

Definition of Mission

2006-05-23T11:13:00.000+01:00

In simple terms, the overriding emphasis of my vision is that of being an agent for the furtherance of the Kingdom of God amongst young people and their communities. By this I do not mean that I necessarily work for young people to make a conscious decision to follow Jesus, rather I look to involve them practically in the growth of the Kingdom of God. I would hope to see this shown both through their living in the Kingdom themselves, and in learning to demonstrate it to their peers and communities.

Through methods which will change as appropriate to individual contexts, and in working in partnership with other Christian groups, other faith groups, and secular agencies, I will work with young people to bring them the good news that those who are excluded and unable to fit into society may find hope, that those who are oppressed in any way within home or society may find freedom, confidence and a voice of their own, and that those who can see no hope of change in their lives may receive new vision for a positive future.

In this way, I seek to work with young people and communities, in order that as many as possible may be drawn into the Kingdom of God, living in the wholeness and completeness of His Shalom.

This made me laugh when a mate emailed it.

2006-05-22T19:08:00.000+01:00

Due to the nature of the quality of driving in England the Department of Transport has now devised a new scheme in order to identify poor drivers and give good drivers the opportunity to recognise them whilst driving.

For this reason as from the middle of May 2006 those drivers who are found to be driving badly which includes:

overtaking in dangerous places;
hovering within one inch of the car in front;
stopping sharply;
speeding in residential areas;
pulling out without indication;
performing U turns inappropriately in busy highstreets;
under taking on motorways and
taking up more than one lane in multi lane roads,

These drivers will be issued with flags, white with a red cross, signifying their inability to drive properly. These flags must be clipped to a door of the car and be visible to all other drivers and pedestrians. Those drivers who have shown particularly poor driving skills will have to display a flag on each side of the car to indicate their greater lack of skill and general lower intelligence mindset to the general public.

Please circulate this to as many other motorists as you can so that drivers and pedestrians will be aware of the meaning of these flags.

Department of Transport.

The Kingdom of God, the presence of God

2006-05-22T10:27:00.000+01:00

I've been exploring recently the tension between Christian Mission as being foccused primarily on encouraging people to deliberately follow Jesus, or as focussed on building the Kingdom of God, of Shalom, of Justice for everyone.

In his book 'Liberal Evangelism' John Saxbee writes of the time when he was at a mission partners conference in East Africa and found himself sharing accomodation with members of the Peace Corps. He asks:

If my sympathies and sentiments lay with them (the Peace Corps)
more than with the evangelical missionary society, then to what extent did I, as
a liberal in poverty-stricken Africka, have a gospel to proclaim thwas in any
way distinguishalbe from the secularized seeumptions of the Peace Corps?

In working towards developing the Kingdom of God with yong people and communities, I might ask myself similar questions. If we see heaven as the Kingdom of God on earth, rather than the literal place you go when you die, what is it that Jesus and the Kingdom of God have to offer the secular youth agencies working twoards fairness, justice and equality don't?

Bosch also raises a challenge to this Kingdom here and now theology in 'Transforming Mission', pointing out that what I see as working towards the Kingdom of God could be seen as a purely humanistic gospel, whereby:

Here not the person of jesus was at the centre but the cause of
jesus; the ideal, not the One who embodied the ideal; the teaching (particularly
the sermon on the mount), not the Teacher; the Kingdom of God, but without the
King.

Could it not be seen differently though? Bosch suggests that we are building the Kingdom without the King. I would suggest however, that as we work with young people to encourage them to realise the image of God within them so we work to encourage them to becoming more fully human and therefore maximising their realisation of the image of God within them. In this was we are in fact firmly and undoubtedly building the Kingdom of God around the ever increasing presence of God as King, as those we work with meet, recognise and respond to God in themselves, in others and in the world around them.

Thoughts anyone?

Peak District Piccies

2006-05-19T15:22:00.000+01:00

Piccies from the last day

On top of the world on Edale Rocks.
Dave celebrates with his 'king of the world' pose... or maybe he's singing a Delerious song?

'I wish I'd bought my climbing shoes...'

And finally we witness the 'Snooze of the Navigator' er... which way do I go here Dave? Dave? Dave?

Back to reality

2006-05-19T09:10:00.000+01:00

I've spent the last 11 days away - having a great but challengeing time.

Last week I was on an Outdoor and Residential Youth Work module- which was spent residentially out of doors in the Peak District. It's a beautiful place with some fab hills, fab routes, and great views. Physically it was challenging as I'm unfit- but not as much as I expected. Emotionally it was tough as I grappled with group dynamics stuff. (The group were amazing and I've done a lot of growing in confidence which I never expected!) Spiritually it was good to be in the hills coz that's where I've always met God. I feel like someone has hit reset on my overheating life and I can now get back to training, healthy eating, time outside and fitness- the things that my life feels right when I'm doing! We spent lots of time talking about the spiritual and educational benefits of being outdoors for young people- and experiencing these benefits for ourselves. There are some photo's taken by one of the tutors here- see if you can spot me in the sunshine attire and with hair looking very flat and fluffy!

Then I was on a two day retreat to Worth Abbey. This was er... different. I don't think that Benedictine Monastic Spirituality is my path... in fact I feel like I was more nurtured spiritually the week before.

And now I'm back to essays- lots of outdoor gear to sort out- the kettle is broken- the car needs fixing- playing catch up at work. I'm determined though to rework my routine so that it involves more regular excercise, and more regular time in the hills and by the sea.

Taking a day off words.

2006-05-06T12:05:00.000+01:00

I like the BBC's Week In Pictures and other picture stories. It gives an opportunity to reflect on some of the significant events of the week, either for those who don't like words- or for those of us who are too worded out at the end of the week to use them meaningfuly anymore.

Sometimes when we are constantly thinking, theologising, philosophising, reflecting, writing, reading, talking, debating, it can be good and restful simply to sit back and find other ways to be and to reflect.

I also like that there is a Your Week In Pictures section- where readers can send in significant pictures from their weeks. I found powerful images amoungst both sets this morning- that said so much more than the words could... although the picture of Gordon Brown's dog carrying a welly didn't have the effect of making me realise what a Jolly Good Average Nice Bloke he is... which I'm sure is what it was intended to do!

Alt Worship Ideas Workshop... and for once it's not middle class!

2006-04-28T09:25:00.000+01:00

My good friend Charity is 'Fresh Expressions' worker for Bristol Methodist Circuit.

This means she gets to explore loads of stuff around how to do emerging church and fresh organic authentic expressions of worship... but rather than for the brain focussed, abstract, accademic and middle class clientel that emergent and alt worship generally pick up in their, in a really nitty gritty, down to earth, working class, non pretentious environment of a deprived multi-cultural area of Bristol. I think this is fab!

She is running a Fresh Expression Training Day on Sat 7th May 2006. Cost is £3.00 - not bad eh? I wish I was going but am working that afternoon in Plymouth!

FFI ring or email Charity Hamilton: 0117 952 0522 eastvillepark-methodistcentre@fsmail.net

Ridiculous Optimism?

2006-04-25T10:26:00.000+01:00

When I talk about the Kingdom of God, and say that I have hopes at some point for a world order of justice, peace, inclusion and love, I've been called all sorts of things, from a hippy, to a liberal, to a ridiculous optimist and told it will never happen.

A conversation with a tutor at college threw a new light on the Easter story from this point of view. Jesus, the perfect human who exemplified the Kingdom of God was crucified by imperfect humans who couldn't care less. They killed the ideal of perfect humanity... however he didn't stay dead! And for me that is a story of great hope, that the ideal of a just world, a world order of Shalom, even though it is trampled and seems to be hopelessly dead will not stay dead! Perhaps if Christians everywhere started to focus on life in this world before death, rather than getting through life as quickly as possible to get to some abstract life after death, there would be even more hope!

The BBC News site today has an artical about Social Entrepreneurship. A trend amoung young bussiness students to want to use their bussiness skills to tackle some of the problems faced by the world, rather than capitalising on a huge profit. If this is a trend amoungst the younger generation of students, then maybe the hope for the future shared by some Christians is a little more than ridiculous optimism.

Shyness

2006-04-25T10:07:00.000+01:00

David's Blog has a nice quote about The Beauty of Shyness, indirectly from from Henry Nouwen's Website.

I used to see myself as a shy person. I had lot of energy, and a lot to say, but tended to keep it hidden through fear or lack of confidence. I think this is different though, for me there was a bouncy, loud, mouthy, not shy individual waiting to bounce out. I really value people who are quieter though. I have some wonderful friends who it takes a little longer to get to know as they are quieter with who they are, you have to really want to get to know them to do so. And I think that is a beautiful thing, and we don't do them justice by saying that shyness is always something to be overcome.

In Nouwen's book The Wounded Healer, he talks about making space in our homes and in our lives for those we care for a listen to, and to do this there must be a withdrawal of ourself. I like this, and as a non shy extrovery bouncy loud person it's something I need to work on.

Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre

2006-04-24T11:41:00.002+01:00

In todays news are reports of a new multi-agency unit set up specifically to target internet paedophiles.

I'm glad this is being done, and I think a multi-agency unit has to be a good thing.

I like that they're considering empowering children to report those they are suspicious of by copying and pasting the conversation they're having into the CEOP.

However, I'm a little uncomfortable that they're going to do some of their work by posing as children on the web to attract paedophiles to them. I don't know why I'm uncomfortable. Maybe it's just a good undercover technique... but posing as a child in a children's chat room doesn't seem entirely right.

And I also wonder if they'd have done better to keep quiet about it- kept it as undercover- or are they imagining that all paedophiles are stupid?

I'd be interested to know what other people's gut reactions are, as well as thought through reactions.

Something in the Air

2006-04-19T09:18:00.000+01:00

What is it about the smell of the sea?
What is it about the cry of the gulls?
What is it about walking with someone you love?
What is it about the first warm day in spring?
What is it about the sound of the waves?
What is it about the rugged coastline?

On Saturday we visited Mevagissey. Something in the air awoke me spiritually. It pushed me to an aching and a longing for more. A longing to be by the sea, but more than to be by the sea, a longing to remember who I am, where I have come from, what I love. I longing to touch and know that which is greater than me, A longing for God, for spiritual connection.

If spiritual connection and awakening is as simple as spending a day on the coast, how can we suggest that as Christians we have the monopoly on spiritual experience?

Easter Hols

2006-04-14T12:19:00.000+01:00

If nothing else it's nice to have nice weather at Easter and some holiday time.

The National Marine Aquarium is fab, although a bit crowded in the holdiays, the fish are amazing, especially the great big green eel type thing in the coral tank. I learned that starfish have no brains, and enjoyed mini sub racing, although Sandee beat me coz Little Ben was a bit too hard to handle!

And we made Chocolate Cornflake Easter nests and learned that I like cadburies mini eggs better than smarties ones. Maybe Easter isn't such a spiritual write off after all if we get to have amazing days out- after all having a nice day out, looking at fascinating life forms, and enjoying a day with someone you love can be as deeply spiritual an experience as you're ever likely to get in a church.

Sporadic Blogging, So Many Questions

2006-04-13T22:08:00.000+01:00

Has anyone else noticed a patten to the blog breaks? Yup- when assignments are coming up I tend to focus them and not much else! I don't think I did the last one much justice but hey! Although... I had a nightmare last night that I only got a 40 for it.... oh no that sounded like Hermione Granger!

But I'm tired!

I'm tired of only skim reading books so that I can take to peices and draw from ideas before I fully digest them. I'm tired of my writing and thinking having to constantly jump through hoops.

I need some time and space for myself. To read for myself, to browse the shelves of a library and let the books that are asking similar questions to the ones I'm asking jump out at me, rather than having to skip through them and reject those who don't have anything relevant to the latest assignment.

I need to know why I am a Christian. Why is Easter such a big deal when I've rejected the ideas of penal substitution and of an angry God? What is unique about Jesus who I love and follow? Why did Jesus have to die? Why Why Why.

Sometimes I think I'm finding the answers to these questions... and sometimes I feel totally cut lose in terms of my thinking and of where I fit in theologically and spiritually.

My prayer this Easter, is for my faith and believe to find a newness of life. I pray that for all those who are in a similar place and asking similar questions.

Young and Gay

2006-03-16T12:35:00.000Z

I'm doing a small (3000 words) peice of work for uni on faith and justice and am going to tackle the way lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, or questioning young people are treated in Christian and Secular youth groups.

If you have any experience of this- would you be able to say how it was for you or someone you know? then please do get in touch- nikinko@yahoo.com I'd love to know how you found you were accepted in both church and secular youth provision and school.

I'm excited about this piece of work, it's not a huge peice of work, but is obviously one that's close to my heart! Would love your input and will make the work available when it's finished.

Nikki

Post Charismatic

2006-03-15T11:50:00.000Z

Thoughts about a new kind of charismatic spirituality I posted here, here and here are still rumbling away for me, they're just not getting translated to words becuase uni and work are taking priority.

Meanwhile Jason has a link to Post Charismatic. It looks good at a glance, and I'll read it more thoroughly and let it re-trigger some of my thinking over the Easter break. Someone hold me to that!

To participate or not to Participate

2006-03-14T11:23:00.000Z

Is participation really all it’s cracked up to be?

It’s a really strong value for me- as I’ve said before, but last night I was reminded that it’s only one way of doing youth work.

The football coaching session that I observed/ helped out with/ joined in last night was not what I’d have recognised as participative. The young people were lined up, told what to do, shouted at when the didn’t do it or mucked about, and shouted at more positively when they did something well. I’ve been asking myself lots of questions just lately about where the role of sports coach or instructor (a role where you instruct, discipline, control, and tell young people what to do) meets the role of a participative youth worker- when you encourage the young people to think for themselves about how things are done, and think through issues and things that go wrong for themselves.
What struck me was that in the older group, (14 – 19) the young men were told ‘I want to see you playing like young men, not like kiddies’, and that seemed to be enough for them. These young men were able to captain their teams and able to communicate and work well as a group… and they hadn’t been taught it through participative work- they’d been taught it through discipline and having it ‘drummed into them’.

So maybe participation isn’t the be all and end all after all?

Pancakes and Youth Work

2006-03-05T21:25:00.000Z

Thanks Richard for teaching me how to teach young people to flip pancakes. Before yesterday, I would never have thought of telling them to imagine the edge of the pan is like a quaterpipe and the pancake slides up it before turning 180 and landing.

Having attended a church anniversary service, a church lunch of 'hearty soup and a roll' a church meeting, and planned a session on Islam for a group of young people who 'occassionally exhibit some racist views', I don't have much more to say tonight.

An Alternative View on Environmentalism

2006-03-03T19:53:00.000Z

Martin Livermore writes an interesting alternative perspective on environmentalism, suggesting that we need to chill out and stop worrying about polluting the earth, and worry more about the poverty of our fellow humans in different parts of the world.

I'm not sure that I aggree, I think one is inextricably linked with the other, but it made for interesting reading. Much in Christianity recently has encouraged us towards concern and care for the environment. Is this missing the point of Christianity, missing the Kingdom of God, taking our energy away from seeking a Kingdom of Shalom to redirect it towards saving the world, or is saving the world part of becoming fully human. Maybe re-engaging with nature and protecting and appreciating rather than exploiting is all part of reconnecting with God?

Links are Easy

2006-03-02T10:27:00.000Z

Thank you Rainbow Dreams for asking the question about links, and Caroline for answering it.. I was feeling pleased with myself coz I'd worked out how to do them by typing in the html code, and frustrated coz so often it threw them back at me saying there were things wrong with them. I hadn't realised there was a much easier way of doing it.

Lent and Living Generously

2006-03-02T10:11:00.000Z

With my current phase of deconstruction of all doctrines and traditions Christian, I'm don't understand what this whole lent malachy is fully about. We're 'preparing ourselves for easter' or we're 'fasting' and I'm just wondering what we're doing and why.

At our Ash Wednesday Sermon last night the reading was from Isaiah 58

Isaiah 58:6-10
Is not this the fast that I choose:
to loose the bonds of injustice,
to undo the thongs of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
and to break every yoke?

Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover them,
and not to hide yourself from your own kin?

Then your light shall break forth like the dawn,
and your healing shall spring up quickly;
your vindicator shall go before you,
the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.

Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;
you shall cry for help, and he will say, Here I am.
If you remove the yoke from among you,
the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil,

if you offer your food to the hungry and
satisfy the needs of the afflicted,
then your light shall rise in the darkness
and your gloom be like the noonday.

So my 'Lenten Fast' this year. Well, I'm not quite up to the Year of Living Generously which some people have signed up for, but I'm going to go for 40 days of living generously. I'm going to try to be less consumeristic, use my car less and my feet more (which might be good for my health as well) and look to where I can be generous amoungst my friends and community. Of course, I will be continuing to eat chocolate and biscuits!

Feel free to ask me how it's going!

Volunteers in Youth and Community Work

2006-03-01T10:32:00.000Z

Part of my role in Plymouth has been spending time community profiling in the area I'm working in, networking with others who work in the community. Second to working face to face with young people this networking is one of my favourite parts of the job, just because of the number of amazing people I meet.

I had a meeting on Monday evening at a local community centre. The centre is entirely voluntary, every member of staff is a volunteer apart from the bar staff (the bar raises the money for the community activities) and the cleaner. 30 years ago the community was nothing but a housing estate, so the residents decided they needed something and set it up. The centre was built by volunteers who'd come home from work, have their tea, then go out for the evening to (literally) build the community centre. The lady who is the secretary, now retired and struggling with arthritis so that she can barely walk was the secretary right from the beginning.

During my hour with the secretary and the youth worker I saw so much. There was passion in her eyes as she remembered the community which 30 years ago had built the centre. She could have been forgiven for more bitterness as she spoke of isolation as the community college whose grounds they are on, and the city council barely acknowledge their existence. And there was sadness that the committee and helpers and volunteers are the same as those who were in from the beginning- there are no younger residents now who will put themselves forward to sit on committees, work with young people, or organise events, although there are plenty to fill the bar and the social club. They felt that taking on a paid youth worker would take from the funding that could be used for the work, and be a disrespect to colleagues who had put in their time and energy freely over the years.

Evenings like this make me wonder why I should get paid to do what I do when others give so much of themselves for the community and expect nothing in return. They make me deeply appreciative and respectful of volunteers. Why is the community spirit which inspired people to give so much so freely to their communities dying? Is it because as people we simply don't see that we need one another any more? Is it because surviving at the pace of modern life takes up so much of our energy that we don't have any left for our communities? Is it that we simply don't give a fig for the needs of others any more? As community development workers who work for community co-hesion and capacity building within communities, can we ever recapture the simple human spirit that says, we're here together, we need one another, we care for one another, we'll give ourselves to one another?

Gay Flamingos

2006-02-22T14:43:00.000Z

Here is a link to a fascinating story about Carlos and Fernando, two monogomous gay male flamingos at the Slimbridge Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust. They have been together for five years, and rear 'foster chicks' by eggnapping from other couple's nests. At the normal time of year they both take on the male role in a man on man courtship ritual.

Now some people say that being gay is about jumping on band wagon, culturally conditioned, and totally unnatural. I wonder if the likes of Carlos and Fernando and the many other examples in the animal kingdom suggest to us otherwise? They're also not victimised by other birds, unlike gay humans! And of course, aside from demonstrating natural gay behaviour... it's kind of a cute story! I propose a toast to Carlos and Fernando and their future together.

Last Nights Seminar

2006-02-21T12:50:00.000Z

Last night I went to a seminar by Share Jesus International on the Incitement to Religious Hatred Bill.

I have to say I was disappointed. The flyer implied that the seminar would focus in an unbiased way on legal changes that were going to affect us as faith communities and churches, with a focus on the incitement to religious hatred bill. What we actually got was a very conservative take (in some places a rant) on how political correctness took away our freedom of speech. Civil Partnerships, the Gender Recognition Act, and Abortion Laws all came in from very conservative criticism along side the Religious Hatred Legislation, as all these things had opportunity to make it illegal to practice our faith. And it certainly wasn't biased. In the debate at the end I pointed out that natural law (which we had been encouraged to use as it is inline with scripture) was not cross cultural or stable, and the speaker backtracked, saying that 'we stand on scripture'. My next point was going to be that he is only taking a very one sided conservative translation of scripture and did not reflect all of Christianity, but at that point the debate was 'moved on' although he did offer to speak with me in private afterwards! Maybe he was wise, as I was going to point out that there was a liberal approach to scripture as well as his own and I'm not sure that is what he wanted to hear. I didn't have a problem with the conservative nature of the speakers, they're entitled to their opinions. I did however have a problem, given that it was billed as a 'balanced view with an opportunity to challenge the panel' with being silenced when I presented a more liberal approach to the issue.

As for information about the religious hatred legislation, we got little, so I'll default to my own research.

Wicked Wizard

2006-02-21T11:11:00.000Z

New to the world of blogging... A not too old fella whose certainly talking from experience rather than his butt.

Could be some wise thoughts coming from here- and it's about time too that he started sharing his wiseness! Welcome to blog world to Wicked Wizard oh.. and he's a related so is extra welcome to critique me. ;)

And a smile

2006-02-20T12:04:00.000Z

And also thanks to Richard for this link Link to the ever insightful Brian's Guide. In this one Brain thinks about inciting religious hatred... which incidently I have a seminar on tonight.

For now my toes are cold and requiring socks, and my work is on my desk, requiring attention. Over and out.

A deep breath

2006-02-20T11:35:00.000Z

Sometimes it's good to read something, take a deep breath, let it touch you deeply.

Today I took a deep breath and let the Ruach spirit of God touch me as I read a blessing. Thanks Magi for the link to Spoken_worsrship where there are lots of deep breaths to be taken.

In the mean time todays deep breath for me was:

May you who are restless
Find rest
And in rest, restoration
And the healing
Of your hollow soul
May peace be yours
-
May you who are frozen
Find freedom
And in freedom the faith
To face the fire
And the thawing
Of your ice-gripped heart
May peace be yours
-
May you who are conflicted
Find convergence
And in convergence
Confidence
To be the one new child
Of your old divided self
May peace be yours
-
May you who live in tension
Find tenderness
And in tenderness the tendency
To kindness
And the creativity
Of a caring character
May peace be yours
-
And you who are Godless
May you find God
And in God,
The grace and growth you need
For fruit and fullness
And the love that will last you
Through the long-haul
Of a lived-for-others life
May peace be yours

Brokeback Mountain

2006-02-19T09:41:00.000Z

Loving this movie! And no it's not just coz I'm gay! It's a fab love story dealing with loads of relationship and life issues that aren't unique to gay men. It deals with pressure to be someone you're not, lonliness, homophobia, the way fear of who you are or who you could be will stop you having all you could have.

I went for a night of nice entertainment on valentines day with my girlf. I came away spiritually uplifted, tearful and challenged. Challenged never again to let a relationship, or any other good thing, slip through my fingers because I am too afraid of the consequences of holding onto it. I will not let fear of facing who I am prevent me from enjoying all I could have and all I could be.

And.... I know there's at least one woman out there who'll read this and be glad to see it in print. *wink*

Numerous New Species found in Papau

2006-02-07T15:04:00.000Z

Check out the BBC for a beautiful story about New Species being found on the Island of Papau.

I can't particularly say why reading this made me feel so good. Refreshed, revitalised, peaceful, at one. It was an almost spiritual experience reading about new discoveries and new previously undiscovered creation in the midst of all the news about us destroying and burning the world.

And the comment that 'this is the closest to the garden of Eden that we're ever likely to find in this world' from one of the team members is also telling of the spiritual experience of finding beauty, survival, intrigue and suprise amoungst the usual horror stories of the world that we are trashing. The lack of fear between man and beast speaks something of the Shalom and new world order that we look forward to for me, of returning to innocence, of connectedness. What a pure, whole, rejuvinating, unpolluted exciting experience to have the privelidge of witnessing and discovering another block of virgin unspoilt creation that we've not trashed. May it stay that way!

Participation, Football, And Spirituality

2006-02-05T13:42:00.000Z

I like participation. It's a value of youth work I hold to very strongly.

So when starting with a group of young men who had 'outgrown' the kids club and needed something more I asked them for suggestions of things they'd like to do as a group. I was expecting the usual lethargy which they had to be encouraged out of.

"Start a football team to play in the under 14s league" was the response I got". Participation is good, encouraging young people in their talents, in their ambitions, giving them an opportunity to achieve, but whenever I've done empowerment stuff with young people before it's always been empowering them to do stuff that I could fairly easily take in my stride.

Yesterday four young men well and truly challenged me to: discover something that I could be part of acheiving that I've never thought I could be part of achieving, get new skills, make new contacts, and generally stretch myself. They see the peice of groupwork as something they can do easily- set up a football team- I'm absolutely terrified by the idea, and don't know where the hell to start. Makes me wonder who's 'doing' the youth work and who's being worked with here! It reminds me of Donovan's overused quote from Christianity Re-discovered:

"when working with young people do not try to
draw them back to the place where they have been, do not try to take them to the
place where you are, however beautiful a place that may seem to you, rather have
the courage to go with them to where you or they have never been before."

I'm off to find out about sunday leagues in the area, find out if they can join a local community coaching programme, find out if we can have somewhere regular to practice, find a coach(!), and figure out how a peice of groupwork based on starting and developing a football team can work with deeper issues of faith, existence, and the Kingdom of God. If this comes off I really am going somewhere with these young men where I have never been before. I need them, probably as much as they need me, I feel unsure, insecure, and vulnerable. I hope I don't let them down!

Excuses Excuses

2005-12-08T13:40:00.000Z

So much for a months worth of regular blogs about the Holy Spirit!

My excuse- well we moved to our flat at last- but getting broadband set up took a few weeks and my dial up modem seems to have died. (Maybe sulking coz I never use it these days). And now I've got flu and been signed off for it. Everytime I think 'I'm bored, I know I'll read a book/write my essay/do some reflecting my brain configuration changes, thought processes backfire, I get a thumping headache, whatever I'm reading suddenly turns to ancient outer-mongolian, and whatever I'm thinking fails to translate to my fingers.

When I'm feeling better I'll continue my ministry essay- about why getting young people to 'become Christians' isn't a big part of my vision for ministry, so a few questions and thoughts thrown up by that might well appear hear after Christmas.

Until then...

*waves goodbye and retreats back to bed with kleenex, paracetamol and glass of water*.

Charismatic Spirituality

2005-11-16T10:57:00.000Z

One of the helpful phrases mentioned on Saturday was 'Charismatic Spirituality'. I like it coz it shows that it's one type of spirituality, and there are many more. The more types of spirituality you have the richer your faith IMHO.

Also we talked about whether it was a certain personality type that went for Charismatic Spirituality. I think there's certainly something relevant there. But having said that everytime I try and pin down the personality types who go for it I think of those who are very different.

What is it about the Charismatic I have moved on from and Why?

2005-11-16T10:34:00.000Z

Last Saturday was a fab meet up day with others from round the country to discuss this. http://www.jasonclark.ws/jasonclark/2005/11/holy_spirit_in_.html has posted some 'official' feedback and notes. (and yes when I get settled in to my new flat with broad band I do solemly swear I'll figure out how to do nice tidy links).

One of the big questions I went to the day with was "What is it about the Charismatic that I have moved on from and why?"

I think a lot of it is about the control and manipulation I have percieved in Charismatic Ministry, although the real thing is good there's a lot of controling stuff thrown at vulnerable people under the name of 'ministry' and that bugs me.

Also there's stuff about it being seen as a quick fix solution to life issues, when frankly what the person who's gone for prayer needs is some good quality therapy and support to help them work through the issues and wakl through them for themselves, not have God surf in like a superhero for a quick fix that puts them on an emotional high but then leaves them to crash, if not on Monday morning but at some other point in the week. Paulo Friere in Pedagogy of the Oppressed talks about when you work with someone working along side them and learning from them rather than comming in as the superheroe coz that can just be oppressive and makes them dependant on you. I think that God is more likely to work by coming along side and journeying with us in our journeys rather than doing a superman fly down and pick us up effort.

The Holy Spirit in the Emerging Church

2005-11-08T21:43:00.000Z

Jason has organised a conference on the Holy Spirit in the Emerging Church http://emergent.typepad.com/jasonclark/2005/11/the_holy_spirit.html which I'm going to on Saturday.

I'm trying to prepare by asking some questions. The big one for me at the moment is

"What is it about the Charismatic that I have moved on from and why?"

I wonder if it's something to do with not wanting problems 'fixed' in a big experiential way anymore but rather to be empowered to work through them. Also possibly something to do with 'this is the only way, believe it' culture.

I'll blog more when I've thought more, and definately after Sat. In the meanwhile- does anyone else have any contributions or thoughts? Has anyone else had the experience of having been a 'charismatic' Christian and having moved on or grown out of it, and what has this been like for you?

Also- watching a similar conversation grow at http://thecomplexchrist.typepad.com/the_complex_christ/ again, hat tip to Jason for the Link.

Top tips for house moving.

2005-11-08T16:21:00.000Z

1) Open the shrink wrapping around the sponges before putting on the rubber gloves!
2) Don't inhale oven cleaner!
3) Upturned rubbish bins can be used as step ladders with care.
4) Upturned collapsible boxes CAN'T
5) A free cooker will cost you as much in time to clean it as buying a new one would.

Will think of something more deep and meaningful to say when my head's not full of cleaning, curtains and pans and council tax accounts.

Love

2005-10-31T10:45:00.000Z

The greatest thing you'll ever learn,
Is just to love and be loved in return.

Moulin Rouge

Or, as my friend who calls himself an ardent atheist pointed out the other day, when you love and are loved back you are getting as close to the meaning of life as you ever will.

Funny though, I thought that was the meaning of Christianity aswell? Or am I just being naive?

Dividing the Christians from the Non Christians

2005-10-26T11:21:00.000+01:00

or as a colleage rather offensively called them once 'Noncs'!

http://www.sundaypapers.org.uk/?p=182 has a thread at the moment about how to bring ourselves and our communities to maturity without a formal 'membership'.

It reminded me of a conversation yesterday evening. I was with mixed Christian and Non Christian company, and a Christian 'in joke' was made... and of course then had to be explained for those who were not in the Christian 'in group'. I've had to do this a lot recently, either with jokes or insights so that those who have not been brought up in the church can see why it's such a big deal. Thing is, when I start to explain it, much of Christianity seems small, pathetic, petty rules!

In the words of REM:

Oh Life,
Life is bigger.

Maybe if we all chilled out and stopped seeing Christianity and the church as the 'be all and end all' we'd get on better with friends outside of the church, and those inside and outside would be able to mutually challenge oneanother to develop spiritually, in whatever way is relevant to them, without having to spend hours explaining petty christian ground rules, jargon, and procedures?

'Sin' or simply a 'Cause of Pain'

2005-10-20T11:27:00.000+01:00

‘Rather that our sinfulness being the reason why we cannot look on the face of a righteous God, could it be that he who loves more than any other being in the universe also suffers the most? Could it be that all the suffering that has ever taken place has been etched onto his face? What is God’s “holiness” or “otherness”? Could it not be chiefly his love (the very quality by which the New Testament defines him) – and the pain, which is the inevitable consequence of it?’

Chalk and Mann 2003 The Lost Message of Jesus

What if the ‘Sin’ that Jesus came to deal with in the world was our greed, oppression, abuse, ignorance and apathy? What if the consequences that Jesus came to deal with were the pain and suffering caused by this ‘Sin’. What if the reason that an imperfect human, all of whom have caused some of this suffering, cannot look on the face of God because we’ll see the results of our sin etched so deeply and painfully on His face that we won’t be able to live with ourselves?

What if we substitute the word ‘Sin’ with all it’s connotations for the phrase ‘Cause of Pain’? Maybe Jesus would say to the woman who was caught in adultery ‘You may go, but don’t cause anymore pain to yourself or to others’? What if he would say to us as wealthy nations ‘you may go, but don’t cause more suffering and injustice for the poor’? What if he said to the healthy ‘You may go, but please take care of the sick and the broken rather than ignoring them’? What if He said to the in-crowd ‘You may go, but reach out to others and lift up those who you see as losers’?

The Crucifixion- God’s Great Act of Self Harm?

2005-10-19T21:02:00.000+01:00

These are thoughts in process and I realise their limitations. There are many reasons for and ways of self harming, but this piece cannot focus on them all. I have no in depth knowledge of the practice of corporal mortification, but the concept of it has triggered some of this thinking.
---

What happens when we read the stories in the Bible without the trappings of all that Christianity has put on us and told us that they mean?

I believe that we begin to let the text speak into our lives in a far richer and fuller way than we could if we simply read it as familiar stories. An example is in the film ‘Amistad’ when a group of arrested and wrongfully enslaved and imprisoned black men are given a picture bible. They see pictures of Jesus and ascertain that he is some kind of saint. They then see his unfair imprisonment, unjust trial, and brutal death, and as they read it from their perspective, of being unfairly imprisoned and tried, with a death sentence hanging over them, they relate to the story and realise what Jesus means to them.

So how might a survivor of abuse and self harm read the story of the crucifixion? What would it look like to read the story with fresh eyes from that perspective?

Jesus went voluntarily to torture and death. He tells his disciples not defend him as he could ‘call down legions of angels’ if he wanted to. Jesus chose to go through this torturous pain and anguish. Jesus went through this ordeal to deal with sin and guilt in the world. Not his own sin and guilt but that of others. To deal with the sins that humanity would do to one another.

Historically Christian sects have practiced ‘corporal mortification’ in order to align themselves more fully with God. Dan Brown’s fiction book, ‘The Divinci Code’, while not a theological commentary or text, raised the profile of this practice. Is it to deny ourselves so as to follow Christ more? Is it to purge ourselves of guilt in order to gain closeness to God? Is it used to clear the conscience of the guilt stricken who has not lived up to the standards they see God or the church as requiring?

So what of people who self harm in contemporary society? There are numerous reasons, but they include dealing with guilt or pain, sometimes as a result of abuse. People may harm themselves in order to purge themselves of the constant feelings of shame, disgust and pain that are a result of the sin of others against them. They take on the guilt of their abuser, be this abuse physical, emotional, sexual, neglectful, deliberate or through ignorance, and they deal with this pain by harming themselves.

So we read about an innocent man deliberately allowing himself to be tortured and beaten, we look on the picture of the cross and see Jesus' blood running from brutal wounds, we realise all this was done to deal with the pain and guilt he has taken on from the misdeeds and mistakes of society to one another. Perhaps going through absolute physical agony was the only way he could express the internal pain that carrying the guilt of the world involved? Maybe we can see ourselves in him? See ourselves and our wounds where we had to cut so deep, to watch the blood flow, to express the pain or purge the shame? Maybe we can remember, that like us, Jesus had to deal with shame and guilt that were not his. Maybe we can see him standing alongside us in the journey that we must go through to healing. Maybe rather than seeing the image of God as one who expects us to be ‘good’ and punishes us if we are ‘bad’, we can see a different God. A God who understands that it was not our fault. A God who tells us it is not our guilt. A God who is committed to our healing and to raising us up?

Or maybe...

2005-10-19T12:08:00.000+01:00

an easier way of saying everything below would be:

'sometimes being brought up in the church deprives us of the common sense and down to earthness needed to meet God in all His fullness'.

God is here

2005-10-17T12:51:00.000+01:00

When will Christians learn to stop separating the spiritual from the sensual and the physical, and calling one good and condemning the other?

I recently heard an excellent sermon (bear in mind I don't like sermons) on John 12. Inspired by someone not brought up in the Christian faith it was pointed out to us that the passage was very sensual. She reflected on the passage to affirm that each of our physical senses, which would have been filled in this 'hot and heavy' evening described in the passage, were created by God for our enjoyment, for us to experience life and pleasure, for us to experience and meet Him.

I don't follow the hard Hellenistic line that all physical things are bad, totally separate, and get in the way of all things spiritual. I do find however that there are some experiences in which I feel it is 'ok' to reflect and meet God, others which are neutral, and yet more which are ‘bad’, ‘sinful’ and would be taboo in a conversation with God. I was challenged to look for God in every experience, to theologically reflect with all of my senses at all times, not to hide some of them from him and my spiritual reflection because of shame.

I wanted to reflect on this all with my partner, but was hesitant, as she is not 'churched' and I was aware that a lot of what I was feeling would come across as religious nonsense. So I tried to explain myself, how all senses are good and reflected God, and she was like 'yeah, I know'. I then found myself explaining why traditional Christian upbringing which separates the spiritual and the physical with a hard black line made this a big deal for me and so hard to get my head around.

Sometimes I think that those who have not been brought up 'churched', brought up with all the baggage that comes with it, baggage that's come from the early Greeks so many centuries ago, have a better chance of meeting and experiencing God in a rich and holistic way than those of us who have been brought up on church and religion.

God was there

2005-10-17T11:24:00.000+01:00

When will Christians learn to stop separating the spiritual from the sensual and the physical, and calling one good and condemning the other?

I saw the sun rise large and orange,
Lighting the ancient misty horizon,
And God was there.

I shouted for the sheer joy of living,
laughing for no other reason than to laugh,
And God was there.

I rode in the thundering surf,
Exhilarated by the endless power,
And God was there.

I pushed my body to the limit,
Straining for the top with every ounce of strength,
And God was there.

I stretched out in the warm spring sunshine,
The sweet new grass beneath my face,
And God was there.

I watched the newborn calf nursed gently to her feet,
Smelt her mothers warm sweet breath,
And God was there.

She held me closely, tenderly,
Her touch warm gentle and sensual,
And God was there.

I sipped sweet wine and layed back content,
The deep warming flavour speaking of love,
And God was there.

Warming scented oil was poured over my back,
The sensual touch as stress was rubbed away,
And God was there.

I held her through her confusion and pain,
Her hair wet, My shoulder soaked,
And God was there.

I lay in my own hurting confusion,
Not knowing how to heal the wounds,
And God was there.

I stood on the seventeenth floor,
Smelling, hearing, feeling the broken city below,
And God was there.

I sat and listened alongside the lonely and desolate,
The hard cold pavement uncomfortable,
And God was there.

I sit and reflect on a week filled with difference,
So many senses, so many experiences,
so many thoughts, so much emotion,
And in all of this I know that God was there.

Distractions

2005-10-03T19:02:00.000+01:00

I guess I should say, that one of the 'distractions' for the past 3 weeks and 4 days has been meeting a very lovelly 'significant other'.

Hey babe, I love you! Thanks for being in my life, letting me into yours, being so amazing, and teaching me so much about myself, love, life, and God.

Long Time No Blog

2005-10-02T22:00:00.000+01:00

Things have been distracting me from blogging recently.

Moving job and city. At the moment a colleague and I are staying with a family waiting for our accomodation to come through. I'll now be doing Youth and Community work for a Methodist Church in Plymouth. Plymouth seems like a good city with some real good gritty urban youth and community work to get into. I'm excited!

Will blog 'properly' (if I ever was) again when I'm in my flat with my own laptop online!

Flippin Spam...

2005-08-25T10:49:00.000+01:00

Even got to ma blog. Grrr.

Well... if anyone wants to buy some timber or get into the timber trade....

And- does anyone know how to remove unwanted comments from your blog? lol.

Tata for now. Busy busy with flat sitting, house hunting, job changing and work. Will have more to say and more time to say it after Greenbelt I'm sure!

Spirituality and Spiritual Development in Youth Work

2005-08-20T00:07:00.000+01:00

Following on from the National Youth Agency's consultation on Spiritual Development and Spirituality in youth work, (http://www.nya.org.uk/shared_asp_files/uploadedfiles/21889bba-403e-4bb8-a93f-314bdbd41238_spiritualitybook.pdf) Young People Now is carrying a story about Portsmouth Youth Service who are exploring links between Spirituality, Emotional Intelligence and Mental Health. (http://www.ypnmagazine.com/news/index.cfm?fuseaction=full_news&ID=8030).

What do people think about this?

Is it good that Spirituality is taking on such a broad definition, and so being able to be accessible to everyone, without the term being value loaded and 'claimed' and argued over by different faith groups?

Or is this an example of how spiritual development is becoming more and more blurred into personal development, so much so that 'spiritual' loses it's meaning?

Touching the Void

2005-08-09T19:55:00.000+01:00

I've been reading Touching the Void by Joe Simpson.

It's fab. It's an amazing story told from the point of view of Joe as he is climbing in the Andies with a friend when he falls and breaks his legs. After sacrificing his personal safety to try and rescue him his partner leaves him, thinking he is dead, leaving Joe to crawl for three days at high altitude through snow with no food or water.

I don't know why I found it so amazing, partly the Mountain background maybe, but more to do with the need for human companionship and support that was met in such an instrinsic way by the two climbers. Something about the imtimacy that is found by needing one another, and thinking that you've lost one another. Something about the human spirit that can actually find an amazing amount of strength in order to pull away an experience of almost certain death.

Expressions of Church

2005-08-03T15:45:00.000+01:00

Jason's blog is also carrying a conversation about being post evangelical but not post charismatic.

I am a fairly intuitive creative expressive person, and the way that I am most able to express myself and be me in worship is in the gentle charismatic tradition (note the difference between this and charismania or classic pentecostalism). I like to experience God in worship, I like to pray in toungues, I like to wait on the power of God, I like to pray for others and work with laying on of hands and stuff. But what I can't stomach anymore is the fundamentalism and hardline evangelicalism that tends to go with this. The trouble I come across in finding somewhere to be home however is that I've never found theology that I'm comfortable with and expressions in which I can be myself under one roof.

It seems kind of ironic that in the reaction against the big conservative line (We're right, everyone else is wrong, we do everything 'by the book') one of the other things which has been lost is the intuitive experiencing of God and cathartic experiences of worship which is often found in charismatic worship.

I heard a fab talk by Dave Tomlinson at Greenbelt last year 'Is speaking in Tongues a Right Brain Experience'. For me I realised that when I speak in tongues I am expressing something very deep and personal that I don't have the words for... but I wouldn't necessarily make it a big mystical gift, I'd say it was me expressing myself... which in fact does make it a gift of God as in my book an expression of who I am is an expression of the life giving Spirit of God within me. When I've talked with friends in various places who are musicians they've compared this feeling to the part of themselves they express through playing an instument. I wonder sometimes if the same can go for a number of the spiritual gifts. For example, I am a naturally intuitive person, and when praying for friends in the charismatic tradition have often have 'words of knowledge'.

I'm not doing God or the miraculous down in all this, but to me it's all very similar to how I would opperate normally, and how others opperate without recognising it as a 'gift of the spirit'. It's just as Christians we've found a name for it. That's not to say it's not a gift from God or a miracle, coz Him living and breathing within us is a miracle, but maybe the greater miracle is how naturally this all happens?

Model of Church

2005-08-03T15:18:00.000+01:00

Thanks Jason http://jasonclark.emergent-uk.org/ for this link to another of 'those silly quizes'. I guess I didn't see this one as quite so silly as model of church is something I'm asking myself loads of questions about at the moment.

You scored as Servant Model. Your model of the church is Servant. The mission of the church is to serve others, to challenge unjust structures, and to live the preferential option for the poor. This model could be complemented by other models that focus more on the unique person of Jesus Christ.

Servant Model

84%

Sacrament model

55%

Herald Model

45%

Mystical Communion Model

45%

Institutional Model

11%

What is your model of the church? [Dulles]
created with QuizFarm.com

Please will everybody just STOP

2005-07-29T09:00:00.000+01:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4723339.stm

What is it about humanity so that hate and desire for revenge overcomes human desires to understand, listen and reach out?

Joke

2005-07-26T20:32:00.000+01:00

How best to return to blogging after a couple of weeks break than with a silly joke a friend on an email list sent me.

A little flippant and irreverent perhaps, but I'm allowed to poke fun at my own brand of Christianity I'm sure....

A Hindu priest, a rabbi and an evangelical Christian were travelling together when they were overcome with fatigue.

They stopped at a farmhouse and asked for lodging, but the farmer said he only had room for two. One of them would have to spend the night in the barn.

"I'll go," said the Hindu priest, and off he went.

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the back door. There stood the Hindu priest, exclaiming, "There's a cow in there, and cows are sacred in my religion. It would be impossible for me to sleep in the same room as a cow."

The farmer then asked which of the other two would volunteer to sleep in the barn.

"I'll go," said the rabbi, and off he went.

A few minutes later there was a knock at the back door. It was the rabbi. "There's a pig in that barn. It wouldn't be kosher for me to sleep there. I cannot do it!"

"Oh, all right," said the evangelical. "I'll go," and off he went.A few moments later there was a knock on the door. It was the pig and the cow.

Today

2005-07-07T23:04:00.000+01:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4661273.stm

God I ask for peace, of whatever sort we can manage as humans.

I ask for acceptance of those of other faiths and none.

I ask that the difference between peace loving Muslims who are seeking and following you, and Islamic extreemist groups would become apparent to those who are led to pre-judge.

I ask that you would be with the families of those who have lost their lives and with those who have been injured. I ask that you would protect the minds of the vulnerable, that they would feel safe to go about their lives without living in fear of another attack. I ask that people would put aside their differences and pull together through this time.

All Nighter

2005-06-29T05:31:00.000+01:00

Well.. I was worried that I was getting old, coz I don't seem to have the energy to do all night study sessions any more. But Mark http://www.anapauo.org.uk/ came to write his essay here too and I realised I can stay up all night to work if I'm not on my own. I must have just been permanently tired for a the last twelve months lol.

Another 1500 words to go in about 5 hours, before....

HOLIDAY HOLIDAY NAH NAH
NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH
(to the Tune of 'Vindaloo')

or for the old skool football fans...

HOLIDAY HOLIDAY HOLIDAY
HOLIDAY HOLIDAY HOLIDAY
HOLIDAY HOLIDAY HOLIDAY
HOLIDAAAAY HOLIDAAAAY
(to the tune of ' 'ere we go')

Anyway, off to cornwall for a long weekend camping near the beach hopefuly in the sunshine(!) and taking in a family wedding, then back slowly via some other friends. Ahhhh.

Vocation?

2005-06-26T13:29:00.000+01:00

http://jfreeman.blogspot.com/2005/06/please-read.html#comments has a link to a beautifuly written piece http://waiterrant.blogspot.com/2005/06/nunc-dimittis-three-priests-walk-into.html

It ressonates with me stuff about vocation, calling, aloneness, discovering our shadow side through our work. Just now I'm very challenged about where to go with it when we discover our shadow side in our work. Although this post somehow highlighted my aloneness, and the aloneness that can be felt in ministry and highligted by ministry, it also paradoxically made me feel less alone.

And I've chosen to be real on this post about how it's made me feel, coz that's the way I work. As much as is possible, and within the context of good boundaries that I'm still working out, I don't want to hide my woundedness from those I minister to.

A quote from Nouwen:

“No minister can keep
his own experience of life hidden from those he wants to help. Nor should he
want to keep it hidden”.

Nouwen H (1979) The Wounded Healer
London: Darton, Longman and Todd Ltd

Social Policy and Young Parents

2005-06-24T16:30:00.000+01:00

http://maggidawn.typepad.com has a heartbreaking and thought provoking post about parenthood and how our 'education' of young people that getting pregnant is bad can lead to women feeling so much that they want their 'life' before they have their baby that they leave it so late they have problems conceiving.

Having been reading social policy this term (and currently writing an assignment on it) it got me thinking about how this is contributed to by our government. If a young person is NEET (not in education, employment or training) the social exclusion unit have a very structured strategy to turn said young person into EET (In employment, education, or training). It would seem that in our world of targets, development, hoop jumping and achieving 'hard outcomes' there is little space for the developing of 'soft skills' or making space for individuals to take their life journey which is right for them. The government decide whether a young person is not following the 'right' life path and try to push them back onto it if they are not. While this is all very noble in terms of working to reduce social exclusion, it is all to their very structured and boxed agenda. In thinking through this my mind flicks back to Frieire and other liberation thinkers. If we try to liberate people by riding in to rescue them then we are simply becoming the new oppressor ourselves.

Maybe by trying to push young people and others to go through the hoops in society that someone has said are the 'right' ones and disuading people from 'bad' paths in life (whichever nominal cabinet minister decided which were good and which were bad) we are in fact oppressing them.

When we consider the young parent, maybe rather than trying to automatically 'get them into Employment, Education or Training', we should allow them to say that what s/he wants in life could be to be a parent and get their identity, sense of achievment and contribution to society from bringing up their baby? When we consider their contribution to society, maybe rather than measuring it in terms of benefits recieved or work output we could think about what society might gain from the unique contribution that someone who has the challenging painful fulfilling beauiful heartbreaking wonderful person building insight gaining experiences of parenthood at an earlier age than is considered normal or appropriate.

Would love to hear of people's thoughts or experiences on this.

Tags, Books, and Stuff

2005-06-24T11:20:00.000+01:00

Right, this won't take long! I said I wasn't going to do this until I'd learned how to put a hyper link on here properly but to be honest social policy essays are more pressing than learning html just now... which I'd usually find as a good reason to do the latter. So for now, sorry about my ugly naked links which aren't nicely presented and coded.

Caroline at http://onepedestrianaway.blogspot.com/ tagged me on the what am I reading thing... so here goes.

Number of Books I own: A shelf full of big books, a shelf full of youth work and management books, a shelf full of theology books, a bedside table full of personal development books and a shelf full of fiction books which hasn't been added to or updated for way too long!

Last Book I brought: Generous Authodoxy by Brian McLaren if you count the last one to arrive from Amazon, or Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince if you count the one I pre-ordered but hasn't arrived yet.

Last Book I read: I've not been reading for reading sake enough lately. I've been dipping in and out of books for writing assignments, but need to find something to read just for reading sake. Any suggestions anyone? I love the Harry Potter stuff, (nothing too intellectual there then). Thoroughly enjoyed Walt Wangerin's The Book of God about a year ago.

Books that Mean a lot to me: Some of the analogies in the Narnia Chronichles- especially the bit where Aslan turns Eustace from a dragon back into a boy in the Voyage of The Dawn Treader, and the end of the Last Battle where everyone realises that they're not the only ones in paradise and that paradise doesn't look the same to everyone. McLaren's New Kind of Christian trilogy.

Tag Five Others: Ooh, I don't know. Not sure that I have enough readers for it to be worth doing that... lets try

http://charityhamilton.blogspot.com/ Does your browser let you view here yet?
http://simontsays.blogspot.com/ Doubt very much if someone so busy will play...
http://pilgrim.typepad.com/steve/ Possibly
http://www.davidjeanneret.co.uk/ Hates chain letters... but this isn't *quite* a chain letter
http://www.thirdjohnfour.blogspot.com/ Possibly

Dreams for the Church

2005-06-18T14:58:00.000+01:00

http://goodinparts.blogspot.com/2005/06/dare-to-dream.html has this lovely hymn on her blog about dreams for the church.

I dream of a church that joins in with God's laughing

as she rocks in her rapture, enjoying her art:

she's glad of her world, in its risking and growing:

'tis the child she has borne and holds close to her heart.

I dream of a church that joins in with God's weeping

as she crouches, weighed down by the sorrow she sees:

she cries for the hostile, the cold and no-hoping,

for she bears in herself our despair and dis-ease.

I dream of a church that joins in with God's dancing

as she moves like the wind and the wave and the fire:

a church that can pick up its skirts, pirouetting,

with-the steps that can signal God's deepest desire.

I dream of a church that joins in with God's loving

as she bends to embrace the unlovely and lost,

a church that can free, by its sharing and daring,

the imprisoned and poor, and then shoulder the cost.

God, make us a church that joins in with your living,

as you cherish and challenge, rein in and release,

a church that is winsome, impassioned, inspiring;

lioness of your justice and lamb of your peace.

Kate Comptston

I want to dream those dreams again. I've been told often that I'm too naive about the church, that she will never become more than an oppresssive institution, but I don't want to beleive in that. I want to believe in her, expect the best from her. I want to dream that dream.

The Church, The Affair, The Abusive Lover

2005-06-18T01:04:00.000+01:00

I am committed to the church, in as much as s/he is a worshiping community of believers. I will not to slag her off, and I will try to be sure that my critique of her is constructive. As much as is possible I will try to maintain those commitments within this post.

http://jfreeman.blogspot.com/2005/06/affair.html sums up beautifully and poignantly how it can feel for a glb christian to have a relationship with a church which is theoretically inclusive but practically condemning and not welcoming. She compares it to an affair rather than a marriage. Where the lover, the church is so amazing and loving when s/he is with you, but is not willing to risk other relationships or other people’s approval to publicly affirm or be with you.

Just now to me the church feels more like an abusive lover.

I am committed to her and I love her. When things are going well I feel welcomed, loved and accepted in her arms. I feel free to be myself. I enjoy engaging with her, with the people within her. Having fun, worshiping, celebrating life and love, developing thoughts and ideas.
But all of a sudden, and it happens too often to be occasional(!) she will do something totally unexpected. I feel betrayed, beaten. The vulnerability which I offer to her is abused, my naked unprotected self which I offered to her as an act of giving and ministry is snatched, trampled into the mud, and then scraped off her shoe like a piece of sh*t. But each time, because I am committed to her, and love the people within her, I forgive. I think “it must have been my fault” “she won’t do it again”, and yet, as is the pattern of abusive relationships, the act of betrayal and hurt is repeated sooner or later in one form or another. Once again I find myself picking up the pieces of my heart, grieving for a community which I been ripped from leaving half my heart behind, and wondering how long it will be before I dare to trust the church with my true self again.

In an abusive relationship I would give up. It may take friends to encourage me, gently break to me the truth that I will never change her and must leave now before the hurt is repeated more deeply. I still believe in the church. I believe in her potential for growth, for healing, for acceptance, for relationship… I just don’t know how to learn to trust her again.

Why are there so many fantastic wonderful people tied up in the power structure of the established church who would be able to minister so much better without the hierarchical structures? Why does the church operate a system where power may be held and abused by a few? How can the church preach a message of love and inclusivity and yet be so rejecting?

God is it my place to challenge the church?

Please give me the courage to do so.

Is it my place to accept her?

Please give me the grace to do so.

And teach me to know the difference,

when to challenge,

when to accept

and when to walk away.

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

(second Part- The Serenity Prayer- Author Unknown)

God Bless the Quizfarm

2005-06-12T22:34:00.000+01:00

Well, through various quizes I've discovered that I'm an emerging postmodern calvinistic amillenialist! big pinch of salt coming my way!

But I pressed the browse the entire quiz library button and decided to do the 'what religion is the right one for you' quiz- I had to do a tie break question between Christianity and Budhism, but then those who know me well may have expected that anyway!

Time for bed before I get into any more trouble!

---

Monday Morning- Nikki Adds...

Oh, I forgot to mention, paganism came a close third! I'm sure my evangelical friends will be glad of something to fill up their intercession and evangelism times with. ;-)

Awe and Wonder II

2005-06-12T18:07:00.000+01:00

http://www.sundaypapers.org.uk/ has an interetsing conversation going on at the moment about the evidence and proof for God, something that my unlce who sent me the link on http://thinkingthejourney.blogspot.com/2005/06/awe-and-wonder.html has pointed out that we have none.

I looked back over the astronomy pictures on the link today though. I think that the difference between myself and a rational, scientific thinker, is that for me the existence of the infinitude of space matters, because I love the 'wow factor' the 'awe and wonder' brought about by seeing an amazing picture of the cosmos of which we are a tiny part. I'm not so interested in the bit of blurb below which tells us all about the picture and how the phenomenum we see appeared.

To apply this to God, I guess I am more intreseted in the intrinsic knowledge in myself that makes my heart miss a beat and makes me stand in awe and wonder when my spirit connects with The Divine than I am in the proof and evidence and explainations from God. I'm not saying that either is bad. Maybe this is one of the differences between the spirituality of a scientific age and the spirituality of a post modern age?

Am I so very different?

2005-06-12T17:33:00.000+01:00

We’re currently working on a multi cultural module at university at the moment. For our assessment we are asked to interview someone of another world view and write a report on the interview.

I was honoured and surprised when a classmate came up to me after I’d been thinking out loud in class about spirituality and suggested that s/he interviewed me for the assignment as I have a ‘different world view’ to the Christian one! It got me to think though, in my search for the authentic truth of the good news have I really strayed that far from the straight and narrow?

I believe that God created the world by His spirit, the Ruach breath of God, and that we are made in God’s image by His Spirit breathed into us with our every breath. But when I suggest that sitting quietly and listening deeply to ourselves is the same as listening to God, as he lives within us, it is suggested that I am a heretic.

I believe that Jesus came to save the world from Sin and bring the Kingdom of God on earth. But when I suggest that the sin that he came to save us from was more about the sin’s we do to each other as humans, and the way He saved us from them was more by showing us an example of how to live rather than making an eternal appeasing sacrifice that magically makes everything better when we say the magic words, people begin to pray for my soul.

I believe that everyone is made in God’s image, with something inside that intuitively years for connection with something greater, yet when I suggest that those of other faiths or none are finding their own connection with God but expressing it in a different way, I am challenged as to ‘Why I bother calling myself a Christian’.

Is all this really so very wacky? So very wrong? Am I just being a product of my engagement in a pomo society who don’t see definites? Am I just looking to justify my permissive liberal theology by thinking it through? Am I really so very different?

Awe And Wonder

2005-06-05T16:26:00.000+01:00

I've been chatting with my Uncle recently about spirituality- and what the different 'bigger things' are that we connect with as humans. One of these for me is that 'greater other' of the universe. I remembered hearing about a discussion in which teacher were less and less expected to instill a 'sense of Awe and Wonder', but must rather meet targets and teach scientific facts and processes. When do we stop speculating and calculating in order simply to look at something with Awe and Wonder?

http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/astropix.html has an astronomy picture of the day each day. (Thanks for the link Ollie) When I started to scroll through these picutures, in captured that sense of Awe and Wonder in me (as well as provoking envy of those with a bigger monitor!!).

What are the different things which we can connect with which our greater than ourselves to create that sense of awe and wonder? Do they have to be overtly religious in order for us to say that connecting with them is a spiritual experience?